Tag Archives: people

Living Life from Fear and Creating the Possibility of Transformation

Posted on by Dr Harry Henshaw

For many, myself included, life tends to be lived from a state of fear.  The feeling or emotion of fear can, it seems, paralyze you, stopping you from living life.  It can appear as though your entire existence is about being in a state of fear.  How we respond to the fear can present a problem to many, again, myself included.  Sometimes we deal with the fear of people, places and things by using a variety of substances to subdue the feelings we are having, the fear, making us feel better if only for a short period of time.  We tend to merely focus on changing the emotion itself and not the root cause of the emotion.

As difficult as it may be, the only true transformation of fear, is through changing the thoughts that generate the emotion of fear.  We know that how and what we think does in fact cause us to feel a certain way.  What and how we think will cause our feelings.  Our emotions or feelings are merely how our body experiences our thinking or thought pattern.  The true focus has to be to transform our thinking process, to change the thoughts and beliefs that we have about something.

The most important thought or belief that we have is one that has to do with us.  What we think and believe about ourselves does matter.  It matters a lot.  It is this belief that determines our life.  How and what we think about ourselves creates our experiences. We are truly the cause of our life and it our thinking about ourselves that is the root or source of our life.  What we do, the experiences that we have, have to be in alignment with what we think and feel about ourselves.  To transform your life you have to transform what you think and feel about ourselves.  This process of primary to your transformation.

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What I have learned, been reminded of recently, that I had forgotten.

Posted on by Dr Harry Henshaw

The passing of my parents has driven home the idea and powerful concept that all things change, nothing stays the same.  We sometimes get into the mind space that the things in our lives, including other people, will always be there.  We think also that we own things, that they are ours, that we will have them forever.  When we go through the loss of those closest to us we start to transform our thinking in this respect, or at least we are given an opening to create the possibility of a new way of thinking.  I suppose that some people, if not many, never get this and continue to live their lives as if all is the same.  Sometimes we have a moment when something, some event, takes place that either transforms or begins a transformation within us.

Given this new transformation that has and is continuing to take place within me, I am learning that our relationships are all that we truly have in life.  Whether it be about being of service to others or about experiencing love towards another, it is important to pay full attention to it, to definitely not take any of it for granted, to be fully there for the experience.  It will all change, this we know now.  This is a universal law, the way things and life is, everything changes, nothing stays the same.  While we are truly blessed to have the experience, say, of loving another, we need to be fully present to the experience and enjoy it for what it is and for how ever long it lasts.  The teaching is to give ourselves fully to the experience, to be there completely, to not hold back but also to stay present to the fundamental truth that everything changes.  I further believe that this experience, its essence, the love that I experience, for example, that we do take this with us.

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Recognizing a Breakdown is vital to Transforming it.

Posted on by Dr Harry Henshaw

The first component of having insight or awareness about oneself has to do with recognizing when one is in a breakdown. The key to such awareness is to be found in how the individual is feeling about what is happening in his life at any one moment.  There are many times in our lives where we do not stop to monitor or become present to how we are feeling. Sometimes we have a tendency to merely ignore or move away from how we are feeling about something or someone, people, places or things.  Breakdowns have certain emotions attached to their design.  Those most common are emotions such as fear, anxiety, anger, frustration and sadness. The first part of utilizing or having insight in this respect is to monitor ones feeling state, to become present to how one is feeling and to do so to the point that it becomes part of ones very way of being in the world. Learning how to stay aware of ones emotional state is crucial to being able to successfully transform the breakdown experience that is being created by the person.

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Holistic Counseling and Transforming Ones Life.

Posted on by Dr Harry Henshaw

Holistic Counseling is about assisting another to transform his life. Transforming ones life is not about changing it. While life is much about doing differently, the genesis of the transformation is about a person altering or transforming his belief or thought of who he thinks he is.

We tend to believe that our life is determined or influenced by people, places, things, situations and circumstance and that who we are is the mere accumulation of our past experiences but this is not so. Rather, it is our thoughts and beliefs that determine our experiences and life and also that we are completely and solely responsible for their creation.

What we think and believe, especially about ourselves, determines our emotions and behavior in the world and it is our behavior that merely validates what we think and believe about ourselves. Furthermore, we believe or think that we know who we are in life but the reality is that we truly do not. Much of who we are really being we are simply not present to. Much of our life is spent in pretense and who we are really being is hidden from us.

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The Breakdowns that those in Recovery will eventually be confronted with.

Posted on by Dr Harry Henshaw

What are breakdowns?  Experientially breakdowns start to occur when an event or events happen that the individual believes should not happen or ought to happen differently than how they take place.

As a result the individual starts to feel frustrated, angry, disappointed or even sad about what is happening in his life.  Inside these types of emotions the person starts to become resentful, creating a story about the event and to which he will eventually begin to blame, be it other people, places, things, situations or circumstances for that which is appearing.

A breakdown eventuates into a relapse when the individual believes that his experience is intolerable, feels inadequate with respect as to how to handle it and chooses to use drugs or alcohol to reduce the emotional component of that he is experiencing.  In this case, a breakdown and ones inability to transform the breakdown leads directly to relapse.

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Remember to always be aware of your expectations of others.

Posted on by Dr Harry Henshaw

It is our expectations that will cause us to be emotionally upset.  It is our expectations that will cause us to be frustrated and even angry.  These expectations can apply to people, places and things.  With respect to people, to others, we need to especially be careful of the expectations that we create.  If I have an expectation that someone should be a certain way, act a certain way, then I have the possibility of being upset, of the expectation not being fulfilled and me emotionally affected.  The degree of the upset will be proportional to the attachment that I have with respect to the other person.  The key is not to never have expectations as to have them is part of being human.  We will create expectations of others, as we will of places and things.  Our transformative work is to recognize them when they are not being fulfilled and then to give them up, to let them go.  Giving them up and letting them go of the expectation allows one to not be attached to the expectation, thereby avoiding being emotionally upset.  Our body, how we feel, is the key to our recognition of being emotionally upset and frustrated.

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